Tuesday, 13 August 2013

Too many feelings.

Sometimes I have too many feelings. The other day I had one of those moments and deactivated my facey account... for twenty four hours. I didn't get over my feelings, often my feels stay around for a ridiculously long time and I get into a bit of a funk. However I decide that I was being a big namby pamby sook and needed to just ignore what I didn't like and move on.

Most of the time I don't care who posts what or what they say, but it had been a  really bad few weeks with lots of sad and stressful stuff and I snapped. It happens sometimes, most likely I'll rearrange furniture or bake shit, but this time I went all weird. I felt my heart racing, I felt sick and I thought I was going to die. Like actually die. It didn't last all that long but it was pretty frightening. It wasn't until I had time to talk it out a bit that I realised that I have for sometime been suffering from anxiety. This is a revelation to me, probably not for everyone else around me.

I've had depression on and off for years. I've become quite good at noticing the sneaky bastard creeping up on me and I now have some strategies for halting it and getting myself well again. Anxiety on the other hand has found a home in me because I was not prepared for it. I thought everyone had a sense of panic and fear about their future, their children's future, the world's future, selling houses, needing new cars, moving, autism, babies, tantrums, meltdowns, toileting, relationships... the list is endless for me. I have gone from being very in control of myself to very quickly escalating into an anxious mess.

So what do I do? I don't really know, but I do have some anti anxiety CDs that I can put on and I am going to write a list of things that are important and things that are not. I'm hoping that I'll see that things aren't as frightening as they might look. If anyone is willing to share some of their strategies with me I'd appreciate it.

As to facebook, boy am I glad to be back. It was a long twenty four hours without it. Just think, if I wasn't on I would have missed this. Tragedy.